"All the great leaders went through seasons of failure. They became great because those seasons taught them something."
- Donald Miller, @donaldmiller
I would like to refer to a tweet recently by Mr. Donald Miller. Some use Twitter to send an intro tweet about their blog, I plan to use someone else's tweet today as the inspiration for this entry.
Also because it was on my mind too. Recent years have taught me life lessons I never would have learned, lessons that you do not plan to learn, only to realize that you have.
God taught me life differently. Not in the midst of success, but in the midst of seeming failures and defeat, only to come out more encouraging and closer to God than I could imagine.
Before I met Christ, I did not have as much problems that tested the depth of my character. I came from a middle class, well-to-do and complete family. I thought I was a good person and I only wanted what everyone else wanted - a life of meaning and purpose, friends, success, a good family and even a family of my own.
Little did I know, that when all that was tested, I would see myself for who I was, someone lacking convictions, selfish, proud, a people pleaser, and I thought life revolved all around me.
Not only that. After a few years with God, the things that would never have tested me before did, things that other people struggled with - anger, heart break, depression, cursing, unforgiveness, hate, insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, short period of same-sex attraction, envy, disappointment and perhaps a lot more. Even weight struggles that I never would have thought would bother me. The truth is I don't think I have experienced so much until the tests of life brought it out.
God is the best teacher, He knows just what I needed. Character, faith, love, human compassion (one that only someone who has suffered can feel for someone who is suffering). Not until I got through pain and God healed me and made me feel loved that I realize the depth of how much He loves me that I would want other people to feel the same way.
God is truly compassionate. I feel I have tested God too. I have tested His love. And I see how big His love is. Not yet close to what I think it is, but I know His love brought me through. His love conquered all for me. His love knows no reason, no bounds. He loves insignificant and unworthy people like me. And makes them feel so significant, loved, special, unique and full of purpose. Without God's trials, I do not think I could have the same patience and tolerance with people that I would if they made mistakes. I lost my perfectionism and realized I was the one that needed to be freed from it.
Grace won my heart. Grace brought my heart back. The more I knew God, the more I was seeing myself for who I really am - the good, the bad, and the loved, the beautiful that only God sees.
My life changed. Only God truly loved me and treasured my life even when it seemed insignificant and full of failures and defeat. His love knew no bounds.
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