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When Does a Girl Become a Woman?


I have this question for women. When did you know that you were already a woman? That you're not a girl anymore, nor a lady, but a full-pledged adult female who has grown into maturity.

When I think of a woman, I think of my mom or the respected female leaders in society. My female bosses maybe. These women to me represent the golden age of womanhood - mature, maximized to their full potential at their chosen fields, women with dual roles and responsibilities.

I used to look at myself and consider the person I'm seeing in the mirror whether she's already a woman. And I thought before how the person I see in the mirror is still a girl, a young lady.

But all that has changed or will change beginning the past weeks. Just because God said so.

One day I was studying and refreshing up on my accounting at a coffee shop when the Lord called me from my heart "My queen." Before it was a princess or a bride, but now it's a queen. I wanted to make sure I was hearing correctly. To say you're a queen by this world's definition, it's kind of weird. But God was saying it from His perspective, not the "authority" type of queen with subjects just to be clear.

I don't think I have the full idea what that means. But I believe in part, He meant that I was already a woman, no longer a lady - or His "princess." It could denote transitioning into something God was calling me to be but I wasn't prepared for yet or ready...


Anyhow, I'm not a girl nor a lady but a woman now. It took my late teens and early twenties to mature me (and I have other levels to go!). Girls we have that stage, a maturing stage where we are slowly being formed into the women we were called to be. Some people think you reach it at 18. But I think womanhood is not defined by age. I think it comes at different ages. Some can mature at an early stage while others indeed take time. 26 may not be the ideal number (who knows what the ideal number is) but for God's plan for me, it was at 26.

It makes me think how maturity and adulthood is not by age, marital status, IQ level, skill and or accomplishments, but the quality and depth by which we can be entrusted to make responsible choices - something aligned with character. I think it also has something to do with how you have come to know yourself over the years where suddenly you really know who you were made to be, what you were made to accomplish in this world. To reach a point where you are comfortable in your own skin, where you find peace in who you are, and who you are becoming. To love yourself and appreciate all of who you are as some would say before you let yourself be defined by a man or someone else's standards.

I had a favorite song - "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman," sang by Britney Spears. It was quite popular when I was young.


And I believe part of the lyrics expressed the finding yourself story that we go through at some point.

Verse 1: 

"I used to think
I had the answers to everything,
But now I know
Life doesn't always go my way, yeah...
Feels like I'm caught in the middle

That's when I realize..."

When we step out of college, our parents' homes, our parents' consent, we think we know the answers to life (just like the song implies) only to find out we're just beginning to really discover what we are really made of. When we're being matured, the wisdom we've gained in school, or any wisdom from wise men and our parents, will be tested on our first jobs, first businesses, first auditions, first marriage, first baby, whichever way God uses to bring our feet to solid ground.

At the maturing stages there are certain facts of life that will come. One of it is the reality of adversity. It can be a heartbreak, failure, whichever, the long wait for a dream, different situations and then you realize that life doesn't always come on a silver platter. Some things work out. Some things don't, whether they be previous relationships, boyfriends, whichever.

When we were young, our parents have made things wonderful for us with their sacrifice of time, labor, sanity (?) and money. But life's realities slowly come into perspective growing up, whether they come early or later. They help to shake out the I want things done my way every time that's part of our childish thinking. You realize that there are some things in life we can't control and we can't use our tantrums like babies to get what we want.

And I hear the women that I know - my grandma, my mom - tell me "Oh my mother told me this is what's it's like when you become a mom but you don't really know till you're there. My daughter you have much to learn, a lot more to experience." 

Verse 2:

"I'm not a girl,
There is no need to protect me.
It's time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own.
I've seen so much more than you know now,

So don't tell me to shut my eyes."

When we are maturing, we already know there are people concerned for us. But in our weird way, we tend to still want to try things out for ourselves whether what people tell us is true. Sometimes, it's not enough for us to hear it, a part of us wants to experience it.

I know with my mom and dad, they wish they could have made and presented everything in life in a sure-fire way to success after I graduated from college. But there are certain lessons while we're from girlhood to adulthood that we have to experience, to try and learn things, see what works and what doesn't work and in the process, eventually know who we are. Sometimes we fail, we learn and then we try again or adjust. But it all works to lead us to who we will become.

I read from a leadership book by H. Dale Burke, "How to Lead and Still Have a Life" that there are certain storms we create for ourselves when we keep making decisions for others who should be learning to do the deciding themselves. We would have taken out a part of our stress by letting people learn what they were meant to learn and just be near to guide them in the process.

Bridge:

"I'm not a girl
(I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe).
Not Yet a woman
(I'm just trying to find the woman in me, yeah).
All I need is time (All I need),
A moment that is mine (That is mine),

While I'm in between."

Finding the woman in us in time.


Part of life is to find out the woman we were meant to be. Don't think for a second that the essence of womanhood is just to get married and have a baby. You have a God-purpose wrapped inside your heart beautiful lady, a destiny my friend that you were meant to fulfill, whether you were meant to surf the waves, paint pictures, or write songs. You are a lady called to make lasting difference and share your beauty to the world today... and this is apart from any dreams of marriage. God has his dreams for you in His heart that you were meant to discover first and foremost - in the context of a relationship with Him. God wants you to unlock the dreams that He gave to you for your single life. He wants your single life to be full of meaning and purpose. And then when it's the right time, He'll bring the right man in your life. God has great plans for your future, something that He wants to fulfill in your life only if you let Him. God had this vision of you and for you when He formed you in your mother's womb. 

God asks us to wait because He wants to spare us from an unnecessary heartache. He wants us to be free to pursue our purpose first and find our identity and security in Him, before any man take up that space. 

There are different kinds of women. But all are beautifully and wonderfully made by the Lord (Psalm 139).

From God's perspective, purity is your treasure and your gift first to God, and then your future husband. God desires that young women walk free to be the world-shapers they were meant to be, emotionally healed and whole. Everytime you cry, God is also sad because He meant for you to find true love and the best when He gives the gift at the right time.

One day at the right time, He will show you His plan for you. 

Jesus modeled how He treated women - even women with soiled reputations. God treats them with gentleness, forgiving in His grace, covering their nakedness and carefully turning them to seek first his kingdom, and to live pure and holy lives.

I think I have adequately presented both sides, the side where we are free to make decisions and God's side - the side where we stand to gain the most eternally when we choose it.

God has your best interest at heart. Because He is for you, not against you.

We are created to find our identity, role and purpose but we find it the most when we ask the holder of the pen - God, the Creator and Master Designer.

And with that note, I end. Thank you for reading.

Truly yours,
Marie


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"Nagdadalaga," (Tagalog) refers to the stage when a girl is becoming a young lady, a period where they go through biological, social, emotional, and psychological transitions in life.


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